Will MacDonald

(As remembered by Reg Connolly)

I first met Will at the first Sensory Systems residential Master Practitioner in the Lake District in 1990.

He walked and talked like a cowboy – which he had been. I liked him immediately. He didn't try to impress - he was comfortable with himself and you could take him or leave him - he didn't mind.

We got on well from the start and after chatting for a few moments he said he was going down to the lake and would I like to come along. As a then ardent information-gatherer, I jumped at this opportunity to have one-to-one quality time with what I perceived to be the ''guru from afar'.

But somehow things didn't work like that with Will. Looking back on it I did try to pick his brain. But, while he never actually refused to answer my stream of questions, we ended up sharing an experience rather than having an intellectual conversation.

I can now see how he operated. He walked the talk. Demonstrated NLP - all of the time. And wasn't usually aware of doing so.

So that afternoon we trudged down muddy paths through the trees, across streams, and got to the lake. And somehow I seemed to forget about my quest for 'knowledge' and got a tiny insight into something else - wisdom - as we drank in the beauty of the hills, the woods, and the flat-calm water in a comfortable and eloquent (and for me at the time - uncharacteristic) silence.

Some of our most valuable learning moments are only recognised long afterwards.

A few days later, at the end of one of the evening NLP sessions, we got chatting again and I was going on about other ways of creating rapport such as my experience of taking part in drumming-music- chanting sessions in Morocco.

'Yeah,' he drawled 'I think that's what this group needs - you get some people together - I'll be back in a minute.'

About a dozen of us sat on the floor in a circle and tried chanting and clapping. It wasn't working. So we raided the kitchen for pots and pans and started a percussion session. When Will reappeared he had a large bottle of Glenfiddich single malt which he placed in the centre of the circle with a pile of glasses.

It was a great session – loosened us up. Lots of noise, talk, song, drink, and connections. He never took a lead role in the session. Talked at times, drummed at times, chanted with us at times, and, as he also got a little drunk joined in the bulls**t, too.

A seamless style

Will MacDonald wasn’t a typical NLP Trainer – he preferred to get people involved in learning for themselves in an empowering way, while maintaining a very low profile.

His ego was fine - he didn't need 'groupies'.

At first, this was deceptive. Mesmerised by our quest for words of wisdom we didn't recognise that we were experiencing the actions of wisdom.

Will was someone who did not ‘do’ NLP. He had integrated it seamlessly into how he lived his life and how he interacted with others. He was always respectful of others’ integrity. When working with someone in front of the group, he would be so focussed on the person that he would forget about the group.

His passion

He was ardently opposed to the ‘kick-ass’ power-over-others style of NLP. Very shortly before his death he replied to an email:

"Your e-mail stirred the pot. The attached is a beginning. Your e-mail brought a flood of response. I was already thinking about it and the e-mail triggered the flood response. I’ve quieted down a bit since then and want to expand.

What you and I do with our clients and/or participants is contingent on respect - respect for the person you are working with. I don’t have a clue what that person has experienced during the course of a lifetime nor of the myriad patterns which intertwine to trigger response/behaviour. Without that, how could I possibly ‘know’ what this person needs? On a superficial level, "perhaps" but not at the core.

When I work with someone, the work is total concentration. There is no time and the focus is precise. I don’t start with ‘I know where I’m going.’ I don’t. Erickson talked about hypnosis as a partnership in learning - it’s a good explanation for our work. The whole of it is that mutual learning and exploration.

This a bit of a digression, but not much. One of the nicest compliments I’ve received was in a workshop I was teaching for someone else. At the end of my 3 days, one of the participants said, "What was so good about the way you teach is that we didn’t have to laugh - we just laughed." These are the workshops in which when I would arrive the other trainers would say things like, "How come when you are here people get into major emotions with tears and overwhelming feelings?" Simple, Reg. I just allow it.

I’m not asking people to pretend they are something they are not. In the workshop people were presented with ‘laughter is good for you’ so everybody was given the injunction to laugh. Laughter is contagious so that once it started there was a lot of physical laughter, but there was nothing to laugh at. But we all know it’s good for you - so do more.

When I think back over the years of teaching and also with private clients, I’ve worked with folk who were brutalised beyond comprehension, rape, torture, multiple murder survival, Vietnam Veterans, a 10 year old who was present at an air show in which a jet exploded and killed 85 people and maimed a hundred others.

These things aren’t kick arse. The whole structure of the kick arse game is built on judgement, labels, one-up/one-down. "I know what is good for you!"

What enables these people to resolve their trauma is strength. A fierceness which allows them to repeat the unrepeatable. I have to be strong enough to say (tonality, touch, words, however I may convey the meaning) you’ve gone through this once and now you and I can go through it again in order to resolve the issues which are a part of the experience. What is more, I have to hold that strength, that fierceness. Tonality cannot falter, gesture, encouragement, movement must be there throughout. My voice may break when you and I talk about it in the pub later - but not during the repetition of the event(s). I’m not talking kick arse, I’m talking passion.

Will"

This was written a few weeks before the end - he did not have time to develop this theme.

But we do - as NLP aficionados/enthusiasts, throughout the world.

NLP needed Will’s vision. And he had to move on.

Those of us who were fortunate to have encountered him have the opportunity, and perhaps the responsibility, to develop on the ‘beginning’ he mentioned above.

Perhaps we can begin by pooling memories of our experience of Will so that we and others can dip into that pool and continue to develop his vision of a style of NLP that is a great way…

• To earn a living – without being mercenary
• To assist others – without using it as a vehicle to get them to admire or adulate us
• To improve how we communicate with others – without using it to undermine or manipulate.

I could write more. I could write of the moments when (again) he demonstrated his wonderfully respectful way working with a group, of his hilariously dry humour, of his endless repertoire of anecdotes, of his sincerity, of his non-negotiable loyalty, and of his ability to balance his passion for life and people with his passion for having fun. But I'll leave that to others.