People who are going to have a great future
The “future on wheels” pattern
A lot of people go through life with their “future on wheels”! They know what they want – very clearly and in great detail. They have great plans for their future. They can see exactly the quality of life they will have. And they can tell you about it in detail, in very great detail, and almost ad nauseum – because they do talk about their dreams a lot.
They talk a great talk – but never seem to get any nearer to these dreams or goals. How come?
Modelling skills
In my years as a counsellor and psychotherapist I encountered this self-deluding Future on Wheels pattern so I modelled in I identified a number of key skills shared by people who never seem to get around to doing what they want to do in life.
(Modelling? In NLP ‘modelling’ is figuring out, in a very precise and systematic manner, how someone does something. We do this by identifying the precise mental and physiological steps that they use to get a particular result. In NLP modelling we treat anything that someone can do and systematically repeat over and over again as a skill – and as a modelling opportunity – and this applies whether the skill enriches their life or does otherwise.)
Modelling people who are ‘going to be happy’
Let’s simply look at some common traits shared by people who are good at ‘going to be happy or successful’:
Avoid adventure: stick to your nice, safe and predictable Comfort Zone.
Be 'realistic': talk yourself out of every exciting plan or opportunity by emphasising how much bother it would be or how much risk might be involved
Live in your fantasy: imagine the future as if it is happening right now – in other words ‘associate’ into it. This way you can have the nice feelings right now without having to do anything to make them happen. (People who make their dreams come true do the opposite – they have a dissociated idea of their great future which then, as a result of it being dissociated, draws them towards it.)
Imagine you have unlimited time: so you're always 'going to' work on that project, start that exercise programme, seek a better job, etc.
Always put others first: sometimes it's appropriate to put others first and for a specific period. Sometimes. But you also need to be quite clear about when you will put yourself first.
Be too busy: avoid prioritising things. So you're always doing urgent things – but not important ones!
Be too tired: avoid getting enough exercise, eat lots of junk food, drink too much caffeine, worry a lot, etc
Watch lots of telly: it's a great way of numbing the brain - so you don't have to think about what you're not doing with your life
Drink lots of alcohol: so you get to have good feelings right now - and get to dream about the future you’re "going to" have
Mix with like-minded friends: so you have a nice support network for the "future on wheels" approach
Mix with pessimistic friends: this is similar to #10 but can be even more powerful. Mix with pessimists – the ‘what’s the point – you can’t win!’ brigade. Now instead of a support network you have an alibi!
Blame others for the life you have: Your parents should have given you a better upbringing, your teachers should have taught you better, the government does nothing for people like you, people didn't give you opportunities, etc
Resent people who are actively creating their future: Because we all know ‘They just got lucky breaks, etc.”
Did this describe you?
Look back over the past 4 weeks. Have you have run some of the above patterns. Next check what you have actually done to create the future you want for yourself - what practical steps have you taken? Incidentally, this is certainly a ‘non-trivial’ test.
People who make their future happen
In modelling people who live particularly effective lives one trait that I have noticed again and again is that have a very clear present-to-future connection.
The recognise that what they are doing today is creating their future – not what they are going to do tomorrow or next week or when the time is right.
Interestingly enough they don’t usually do this in a highly focussed, almost obsessive manner. They simply have a clear sense of their objective and then do something about it most days. This can be a major contribution or a very small one. The main thing is their future objective is always simmering in their mind.
People who dream great dreams
Compare this with how the ‘future on wheels’ people think. They have great big, exciting dreams, too. The difference is that they remain dreamers. And they can fully rationalise this:
No, really, I am going to begin living my dream… one day soon…
…when the time is right…
…when I have a little more spare time…
… when the children have started school
… when the children have finished school
….when the work pressure has eased
… when we've moved house
… when we've decorated the new house
… when we’ve built the new conservatory
…when we have more money
…when I’m financially secure
…when I retire
…when my health improves…
...if only I'd not waited till now!
Yes, but….
It's so easy to talk oneself out of things, isn't it. It's so easy to rationalise staying in our Comfort Zone. There are always good reasons for not acting right now. We may call this being cautious or being in information-gathering mode or being realistic or taking a strategic approach. And sometimes these alibis are realistic and true. But often we are simply deluding ourselves.
How to create your dream
Many of us are living their lives in order to have things. We want to have things because we believe that having these things will give us the feelings we want. Which, of course, is what the marketing and advertising people want us to believe.
But there is a short cut, and one that might not involve as much expense...
Think about how you want your life to be in, say, five years time. Now, instead of thinking of what you want to be doing or owning or having, how about thinking about how you want to be feeling. And knowing how you want to be feeling indicates which values are important to you. In other words, think about which values you want to be fulfilling. Now use these feelings or values as your guide for building your dream or vision for your future.
(Incidentally this process is included in our NLP Practitioner Programme and there a series of articles, including with practical action steps, here.)
Replace the ‘Future on Wheels’ pattern
1. Have attractive goals: Base these on your values (i.e. the feelings you want to be experiencing)
2. Have written goals: Written goals are significantly better than goals which remain in your imagination.
3. Work backwards: Live ‘in’ your ideal goal/vision and then work backwards from them to now. As you do this notice each step which needs to be in place to achieve the ultimate goal. imagine Come backwards from then to now and identify want needs to be there to make this happen. (if you have done an NLP Practitioner Training you will recognise that this is the Backtrack Frame.) Write down these need-to-be-there steps.
4. Action points: Take the need-to-be-there steps to be achieved in the next few months and write down action plans for these.
5. Review daily: this keeps the plan from being swamped by the day-to-day concerns and pressures.
6. Act daily: Aim to do something, however small a step, to move you forwards each day
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