Dealing with Negative Self-Talk (3rd of 3 articles)
From our free The Pegasus NLP Newsletter
Negative Self-Talk (3): Have fewer reasons for Self Talk
This is the third article in the Pegasus NLP Negative Self Talk series. In article 1 we explored what it is and the different types of negative self talk. In article 2 we looked at some of the effects of negative self talk and how to begin managing it by using the Boxes technique. (In case you missed them links to the first two articles are at the end of this article.)
Having less "on your mind"
If you’ve been following the suggestions from the previous Pegasus NLP articles 1 and 2 and using the Boxes technique (whether as a diagram or list), to identify the negative self talk topics, and have been keeping your Boxes up-to-date, it’s likely that you will be noticing that your negative self talk is already less intrusive.
Your next step is to make things more manageable by dividing your Boxes into two lists:
- Action Items: Items about which you can take some form of action right away.
- Attitude Items: Everything else. In other words things about which you cannot take action on – or at least cannot do so in the immediate future. These require a change in how you think about them, hence "Attitude Items".
This article is about the Action Items
Procrastinating!
Look at your Action Items. You'll notice that they each require you to do something… yet you haven't done this! You've been procrastinating: avoiding, ignoring, delaying and so on. Nevertheless the topics still play on your mind, even if only in the background, quietly eating away at your happiness, your peace of mind, and even your vitality.
We procrastinate because we don’t have a clear plan or are not motivated enough – or have neither a plan nor motivation.
Mini Action Plans
Not having a clear plan is often the main reason for procrastinating. For example, let’s say you've been putting off painting a door for some time. You’ve become quite expert at ‘not thinking about it’ yet every time you look at that door you feel uneasy, embarrassed or guilty. And, of course, the longer you put it off the more daunting and difficult the task appears to become.
Well…. now let’s see just what the action steps are in this, by now onerous, task…
Decide on the colour and the number of coats of paint the door requires (Time required 10 minutes)
Decide if the surface needs to be sanded or primed (1 min)
Estimate how long the task will take and set aside that time/day (5 mins.)
Locate or purchase the materials (60 mins.)
Do the job on the designated day (120 mins.)
So the project you’ve been putting off for so long can be reduced to just 5 steps and less than 3 ½ hours!
The effect of having a clear plan of action
Now take a moment to consider the difference that having a mini action plan such as this can make.
Before making the plan, you had "that painting job" as a fuzzy idea in your mind. A thought that you didn't want to think about, let alone do something about. Now you have five distinct and clear steps, each of which can be dealt with separately. You’ve broken it down into bite-sized and manageable chunks. It's no longer daunting!
Incidentally, this is one of the main reasons why the NLP Outcome Technique, which we explore in our NLP Core Skills course, is so powerful – it reduces seemingly daunting tasks into manageable chunks. Most items on your procrastination list won’t need the full NLP Outcome Technique – just the mini action plans – however, it would be good to use it on any major items on your list. There are two articles here about NLP Outcomes which, while not the same as learning it ‘live’, would be worth following.
Action plans for your Action Items
Now go through your own list of Action Items and create a similar mini action plan for each. It is quite important to actually *write* each action plan. Trying to mentally keep track of them will simply increase your negative self talk - defeating the object of the exercise!
Next sort your Action Items into the order in which you will actually deal with them. Many people find it useful to get the little tasks out of the way first since they each take less time and you can, therefore, quite quickly reduce the size of your list – and have a lot less to self talk about.
Next set aside a date and time in your diary/calendar for the first few of these. And, finally, begin immediately by taking action on one or two little items – just to build a momentum for taking action and reducing the need for negative self talk!
Dealing with Negative Self Talk No. 1
Dealing with Negative Self Talk No. 2
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